He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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