I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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