I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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