Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
