Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If I die, sorry about rent.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
