i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
