Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
