Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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