even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
