You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
