after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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