I wish my penis had an off switch
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
