I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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