So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
