dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
