The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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