What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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