I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
