I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
