You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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