Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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