# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
