sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
