Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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