Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
