____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
