3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
