Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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