You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
