During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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