So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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