You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
