the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My penis needs a shock collar
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
