She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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