Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
