Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize
