you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
