scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
