I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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