hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
