Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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