party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
