You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
