i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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