He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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