hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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