he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
