i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
