can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
