So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
