singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
