Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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